2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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