I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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