dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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