I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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