The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She even gives head with a lisp.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
