I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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