is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
