Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
