Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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