I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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