I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
