Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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