My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
