Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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