CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
