david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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