Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
