wake up i wanna do it froggy style
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
