Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
