Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
