Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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