You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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