Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
