i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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