There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
