I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Randomize
