I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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