i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
