Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
