why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Sext me about skeletons
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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