wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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