walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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