please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
