I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
