I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
