you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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