I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
