My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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