next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize
