Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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