Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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