Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
