What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
