So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
