your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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