why didn't you poke me back
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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