apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
