just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
