Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
