She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
