Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
