I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
