we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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