Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
